DECEMBER IS UPON US

So, it's been mad busy from September to now. Work, birthdays, family get togethers, there's never a free weekend. People don't understand that while they're recovering, you're always a hamster on a wheel. Yet, they expect you to have the same amount of energy as them. It's tough to be around people who don't face the same daily struggles as you. You know, the one's who are home all day out of choice and who don't want kids yet so they can enjoy their lives or the retired one's who catch naps through the day only to point out how you always look tired and have excuses. It's fine if you want to live your own life, but expecting people who are in the difficult phase of their life to always be hunky dory and jump to your every whim, that's annoying.

I get tired of that too. That kind of energy from people who are not on your wave length drains you more than your long day at work at times. You want to be positive. You want to be happy. You don't want to miss out or be the person who has to be ugly or nasty and have that reputation of being "That person."


I tried to be kind to everyone for years, but sometimes, people just don't understand or only listen to respond and go on about how they were so energetic and did so much work when they had kids when they can't even remember what they ate for supper the day before. You really think you can remember how life was when you had little kids. If you forced yourself to go out and have fun even though you were sick or tired, you're stupid, not a hero. We also don't have evidence of that. I built the pyramids. I mean, I can't prove it, but I said I did. It doesn't make it true.

People need to stop pretending that when they were in certain phases of life, they did everything correctly. It not only makes you put more pressure on yourself and drain you completely, it makes you feel worthless. I for one, don't really believe people's BS because they say things to get their way.

Since it's December, we need to try and make 2020 a good year. A year of positive energy. A year where we can block out all the negativity and control our anger and rage that takes over us because some people just have verbal diarrhea.

Just know, it's always people who do the least that talk the most.

So let's get into the habit of rewiring our brains. Our minds. Let's find something positive in everyday. It's good to vent but it's even better to move on with a clear mind and positive thinking than to let that bad moment consume your mind to a point where you find yourself opening boxes of bad memories and linking every bad thing in your life to that moment. It's tough. Sometimes you just want to feel sad for all the bad you've been through. Sometimes you just wish you could rewind a moment and have your say. Sometimes it's just best you didn't say it.

So, now that the venting is out of the way, in my own encrypted way ofcourse, it's time to look at the moments that make you happy.

I for one was sick during a heatwave, so I was home. You think that's great. It sucked, because my workplace has air-cons and the one time I get sick is during the hottest part of the year. So today, I am grateful for the air-cons. I am grateful for the fact that I had time to put lipgloss on today. I never usually get time for make up in the mornings. I know I'm looking forward to lunch, because that's when me and some colleagues sit around and catch up on silly things. I also can't wait for clock out, so I can see my little baby who is now a feisty toddler with a personality of her own but a laugh so sweet, it can melt your heart.

BE POSITIVE

We were on a break

Get the Friends reference...

So... We came to Durban for a holiday/ visiting my husband's grandparents / wedding, to get break from work and routine.

I know... Right... This is like an extreme sport... There's no such thing as a break. LOL. Just a change in routine.

Though, I must say... After almost two years of broken sleep and getting less than six hours of sleep almost every day, including weekends because of habit and we have to clean on Saturday and gym, I must say, I can actually function on less than six hours of sleep.

I mean, I carry my bags everywhere. The ones under my eyes, that is... MK is for rich moms with Nanny's. ALSO, how are people gonna know I'm doing my best if I don't have the war scars to prove it. Wear your dark circles proudly. You're in a war ladies. A war against society and the moms that are better than you. LOL.

So yeah, we are in Durban. We landed 7:30am and I'm up since 3:30am. I'm supposed to be napping now. You know "nap when the baby naps... Fold laundry when the baby folds laundry." LOL, but my brain does not understand this concept of afternoon naps, so I'm just an insomniac when it comes to that luxury.

Atleast it's a cool day in Durban and I got my little Baba napping next to me. These are the moments that get your through it.

Stay strong.
Xoxo

Intro

Mummy!! Oh how I waited for the day to be called that by my little baba whose now a toddler two months short of reaching the terrible twos.

It's so funny how one becomes a whole different person to a little tot once they become a mother.

Once you become a mother, you are no longer seen as the girl with dreams of her own, not even as human to some really extreme mums who follow this imaginary rule book that's handed to you the day you give birth.

Sometimes you don't even realise the transition of being a girl who lives in your own world to a woman who becomes someone's whole world.

There are certain expectations society, well... expects from you. It's easy to lose yourself admist trying to please a rule book created by people who don't even live the same life as you.

The scariest thing to hear when you're in public and your child is throwing a tantrum is, "where's the mother?" and you take this walk of shame, where people are glaring at you disapprovingly and some moms who have been there, looking at you, sympathetically, as you try and pacify your child. Then you reach a stage where you just get this "Don't judge me till you've been here" attitude to the people staring at you. It's funny.

It's even funnier how alot of society hasn't progressed from when they see a dad helping. It's all like "what a good father", "she's so lucky to have such a helpful husband", "What a lazy woman." Uh hello. He is a parent. He is an equal. Give me some credit too. Pretty please.

I think the toughest challenge nowadays is for working moms. Especially moms who work because of our terrible economy and not because they wanna hit their career ceiling. Yeah. Ones who work not because they are passionate about it, but because they have to. Like me. I'm not judging career moms. I'm saying, atleast their passion drives them to get out of the bed in the morning.

I'm currently in that little whirlwind. Being a parent of a little girl who I'd want to spend time with each day but I have to go to work to earn cash to give her a comfortable life. The perks of me going to work is that both sets of grandparents and her uncles and aunts babysit her through the day and have a closer bond with her.

I do get slaps and ignored at the end of the day because she's mad at me for leaving her but that's her way of showing love. I guess...

The uncertainty of the future is the worst feeling. You need to remember though, you're a human being and you just need to know how to block out everyone's judgments about you and do what you can as best as you can, because eventually, everyone will move on to the next person in that situation and judge them.

So this is me... A working mom. Trying to make the best of life and all it has to offer, because as everyone says. It goes by so fast.

I've had a lot of ups and downs already, but let's just blog about it for the memories.

Xoxo